Dating Black Women; 8 Little Known Truths
You might think dating a black woman is like dating any other woman, but you’d be wrong.
Yes, we can be a little complicated, but is anything worth having easy?
Not at all.
It would be crazy to think all women (or all black women) are the same.
Even so, there are a few things we can agree on.
Here are some little-known truths about dating black women.
Our Guard Is Up
While we might be open to dating, our guard is 100% up.
You’d be a fool not to know that the world isn’t entirely kind to black women.
We’re constantly battling the stereotypes of being a “mad, black woman.”
Everyone is telling us that we have to be “strong, but not too strong.”
We have to be “independent, but not too independent.”
Essentially, everyone in the world is telling us who to be, and that alone can make us defensive.
While this definitely shouldn’t push you away, it is something to be mindful of.
We’re not trying to push anyone away, but we are trying to make sure that at the end of the day, we’re not walking blind into any situation.
Hair Is NOT Off-Limits, But Keep Your Hands Off
When it comes to black women, you’ll soon realize that hair is a big part of our life.
It doesn’t matter whether we’re #teamnatural or #teamrelaxed.
You might find yourself with a woman who braids her hair down every night.
Others might wear wigs and choose to change them every day.
Many black women still prefer extensions and weaves.
Regardless, hair is a big part of most black women’s lives.
There is a huge taboo around black hair.
DO NOT TOUCH.
It doesn’t matter if you think it’s the most beautiful hairstyle you’ve ever seen.
Don’t touch it.
Regardless of your intentions, we’re immediately going to take it as a form of disrespect.
And while you need to keep your hands off of our hair, the topic of hair is not off-limits.
If you don’t know the nuances of black hair and you’re dating a black woman – ASK.
We’d rather get all the information out in the open versus having to deal with your confused questions after you find our wig chilling on the side table.
We Don’t Want To Be Strong All The Time
Strong is one word that is often used to describe black women.
There’s nothing wrong with being strong, but it comes at a detriment to us when it’s always required.
Yes, we know we’re strong, and yes, we’d do anything to keep our strength, but we don’t want to be strong all the time.
Being in a relationship for us means that we’re allowing ourselves to be vulnerable with someone else.
This means that NO, we don’t always want to be strong.
We want someone who can help us pick up the slack, if necessary, and come through for us when we need them.
When it comes to dating black women, it’s important to know that yes, we are strong, but please give us the chance (or option) of letting go every once in a while.
We Don’t Always Catch Your Vibes
The dating game has gotten a little confusing over the last few years for me.
To be honest, when I go out, I never know who’s interested or not.
One thing to know about black women is that we don’t always catch your vibe.
You might think a little flirting could help, but just think about all the men who flirt even when they aren’t interested.
Nowadays, it’s hard to know who’s interested at all.
You have a select population of black men who seemingly aren’t into black women at all.
They’d rather partner up with any other race.
Then there’s dating men outside of our race.
And I don’t know about other black women, but I automatically assume that white men are only checking for white women.
And the same goes with the Latinx and Asian population.
While this isn’t necessarily true, this is how we think, so don’t be surprised if we don’t always catch your vibes.
We might be interested, but in order to get our attention, you might have to be more upfront about your feelings than normally.
Until You Know My Name, Don’t Call Me Anything Else
Is there anything more annoying?
You might think women find flattery in catcalling, but most of us feel like it’s harassment.
Another truth, if you don’t know me, don’t call me by anything other than my name.
And if you don’t know my name, don’t call me anything at all.
How do you get my attention then?
A simple “excuse me” would suffice.
And if you’re one of those guys who thinks women should be flattered by the attention, get over yourself.
Half the time, we’re just trying to make it through our day.
Race Will Come Up
Whether you’re dating within your race or outside of it, race will come up in the relationship.
If you’re a black man dating a black woman, it’ll be pretty impossible not to discuss race.
In fact, discussing race might be a means of bonding for the both of you.
If you’re a non-black male dating a black female, race is bound to come up too.
The way life is in the 21st century, we’re living in a racially-charged world whether you want to admit it or not.
Race is bound to come up, and it’s not something to shy away from.
For those dating just to date, it might not even be something you need to go over.
However, if you’re honestly trying to build something with this person, the conversation will happen.
It might be awkward for the both of you, but race is so important that it’s a topic you both need to be on the same page about.
We Listen To More Than Hip Hop And R&B
One of my biggest pet peeves is non-black people and even black people assuming I only listen to hip hop and R&B.
Newsflash, there’s tons of other music out in the world.
One reason I bring this up now is because music is something that can help people bond.
I’ve spent hours just vibing with about person on what music we like.
And I like more than hip hop and R&B.
I like to go to music festivals and would probably out-lyrics anyone in most genres.
Stereotypes play a major role in the lives of black women.
I know black women who can sing Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody” from start to finish.
I know black women who like Faith Hill enough to go see her in concert.
Just know that for most black women, good music = good music no matter the genre.
At The End Of The Day, We Just Want A Man
Now I can’t speak for everyone, but I can speak for myself and many of the women I know.
At the end of the day, we just want a man.
We all have our “requirements.”
We might want him to be a certain height, have a certain job, or look a certain way.
Those are all preferences.
While those are great, we ultimately just want a man.
It might be different for others, but we’re looking for an intelligent, caring, loyal man who is going to love us just as much as we want to love it.
And that’s that on that.
Little Known Truths About Dating Black Women Conclusion
Dating can be difficult, but it doesn’t have to be.
Everyone is different, whether you’re dating within your race or not.
Even so, it can be made easy with one simple rule – be open.
You can meet a person and have a million different ideas as to who they are and be completely wrong.
Instead, be open to new people and new experiences and you’re bound to find the person that clicks.
Lastly, one extra little known truth is that there are a few dating sites that cater to black women specifically.
Here are six dating websites to check out.
Jouviane Alexander, this was well-written! Great job!