Who comes first, your mother or your wife?
Many men struggle with the issue of who to put first – their wife, or their mother.
We’d put our money on the fact this has been an issue since the beginning of time… and a contentious one in many households and families.
As it stands, both wife and mother have their places in the life of a man, of course.
But, the question remains, why has this caused so many complications in marital and family relationships?
Let’s look at how you should go about choosing between wife and mother.
Caught In The Middle When Choosing Between Wife And Mother
Have you as a man found yourself in such a predicament, feeling caught in the middle and like you can’t do anything right?
Are you a woman – either wife or mother – experiencing the harsh reality of feeling pushed out?
Maybe you’re wishing your son or husband would pay more attention to you and your feelings and opinions.
This can be a challenging situation for everyone involved, but maybe more so for the man at the center – he’s the one who sometimes feels forced to choose.
Let’s have a look at the places of each woman in this circle and find out where a man’s attention should really lie.
Momma Was There First
First of all, an important question. Where did the man come from? Yes, you have it right. He came out of his mother.
In most cases, he was nurtured by his mom, fed by her and received training from her. There is a bond which exists between mother and son that will never be broken.
Mommy existed in his life long before his wife. Looking at the chronological order of things there is definitely an argument to have the mother as first place in his life.
His mother is the one who set the foundation for him to become the man that he is. The man that made his wife want to marry him! You could even go as far as saying that the mother had a major role to play in her son and his wife getting together. That said, can you really say to this man that priority should be given to anyone else?
After all, there is no one who knows him better than his mother. A mother is often able to decipher the quality of wife the man has, even before him.
Ever had your mom say, “She’s no good, just watch!” You defended your ex at the time, but boy, did your mom turn out to be right.
Another school of thought may be to ask, after all that mom has done for her son, doesn’t she deserve to be put on a pedestal? Would the wife ever be able to give to her husband as much as the mother has invested in him? Let’s just say that the marriage doesn’t work out, who does the man return to?
Oh yes, his mother, of course! Mommy is always there for her son to pick up from where the wife left off. But the wife can leave at any time.
Now, that’s a lot of mother-love! Let’s flip to the other side of the coin:
The Wife Claims The Throne
As the Bible says, a man leaves his mother and father and cleaves to his own wife. At the altar, a new journey begins, and the main woman of this new journey is the wife. The idea of leaving the parents means that the parental influence is no longer as great as was before. There is a newer influence ahead and it is that of the wife.
So this begs the question, which is more important – what happened in the past or what’s in the present? After all, the man is responsible for his immediate family which is made up of the man, his wife and children.
In his past life, his father was the one responsible for his mother, not him. In the case where there was no father present, the mother was in control.
This changed however, when the man gave up part of his rights in one family by moving into – and creating – another. This present woman, the wife, may just be the one to mother his children. She is the main lady taking care of the man and his affairs.
Need there be more arguments to show her importance in the marriage? The new journey starts and is supposed to end with this new woman, the wife who must take up the throne in the marriage. She must now be the queen in the man’s life – not the man’s mother.
We must never forget, though, or take for granted that the man’s mom has a place in his life. This will never change. Unfortunately, it often doesn’t change even if the mother was abusive, abandoning, or otherwise harmful. In these cases, we’d urge men to make decisions in the best interests of their own mental and emotional health.
But if your mom was a nurturing type who always looked out for you, she’ll always get involved in your relationship, hopefully by forming a friendship with your wife. A mother needs to ensure that the other woman is acting in her son’s best interest, just as she would have done.
She may get overbearing sometimes, but her intentions are in the right place. It may just be a case where her maternal instincts kick in and she feels the need to come to her son’s rescue.
No Momma’s Boys, Please!
But a mother needs to know that her throne in the life of a man exists only when he is a child at her house or before marriage. When her son is grown and leaves his mother’s house, the throne becomes available to the woman of the man’s choice. Mothers should not tamper in their son’s relationships – she should let him stand on his own two feet and figure things out for himself.
After all, a woman who holds a man’s heart and ring does not want to know that he gives in to every desire of his mother! No one wants a momma’s boy who lets his mother walk all over him like a doormat.
Ladies, put yourselves in this situation. Would you tolerate your husband giving in to his mother’s every instruction when you are the main woman in the equation? Is that a ‘heck, no!’ I’m hearing?! Yes, she is his mother and deserves respect, but you are his wife.
Who Should Come First, Your Wife or Your Mother? Is One Really More Important? Conclusion
We all know that mother and wife play different roles in the life of a man. We think, though, at the end of the day, issues regarding your relationship should come first. While your mother may know you better than the wife and believe something is best for you, it is not her call to make.
You and your wife are the ones to make and take decisions about the relationship. Going to the altar meant that you handed that right over to the one you married.
Your mother holds a place in your life and you should value her opinion but in the final analysis, it is you and your wife who call the shots. Mother should only come in if it is agreed upon by both parties in the marriage union. Apart from this, your wife should come first. Mother and wife are both important and have their roles but must know where to draw the line. The line ends with the words, “I do!”