Dating Black Women, Tips For White [& Non-Black] Men
Interracial dating can be a mind field. While it is becoming more and more common for people to date outside of their race, there is still a lot people don’t know about how to approach an interracial relationship.
While it would be nice if we could all just ignore the differences between races and go into dating with the same attitude and mindset towards the relationship regardless of the identity of who we are dating, that simply would be naïve.
It is naïve for any of us to assume that dating someone of a different race would be exactly the same as dating someone of the same race.
This is because racial differences affect so many aspects of how we all navigate and experience the world.
How To Attract A Black Girl
When it comes to black women specifically, being black affects our life experiences, our thoughts, feelings, ideas, desires and expectations of our world in many ways.
Because of this, we want very specific qualities in a partner. We would want to be with a partner who understands the way we experience life and can fit into that experience while enriching it.
This isn’t to say that all black women look for the same things in men. However, there are a few things any non-black man who is interested needs to understand about what it’s like to date a black woman.
When it comes to approaching black women, there are a few things you will want to make sure you do and a few things you will want to avoid doing.
As with all women of any race, your approach towards black women needs to show that you respect them and are not going waste their time.
Do
Approach a black woman with confidence. This probably goes for most women in general, regardless of race. However, it is especially important to remember when approaching black women.
Black women on average already know how to carry themselves with confidence (or at least how to muster it when need be).
In this world, confidence is a survival skill most black women have had to learn in order to be taken seriously and viewed with respect.
Because of this, a black woman will likely want and be attracted to a guy who can match that level of confidence and self-assuredness.
This isn’t to say that you have no chance of attracting a black woman if you are shy, timid or reserved.
In fact, there are many black women who are also shy or reversed who would relate or appreciate these traits in you. Showing confidence doesn’t necessarily equate to being extroverted or having a big personality.
Approaching a black woman with confidence just means that you have to make sure you clearly understanding your own intentions beforehand, and you make them known to her in the way that is most comfortable to you without hesitation.
Approaching black women without this clear understanding of your own intentions will make her feel like you don’t know what you want and are just wasting her time, which won’t be attractive.
So regardless of your personality type, the confidence you need to express when trying to attract black women stems from that clarity of intention.
Furthermore, there is no ‘right’ time, place or scenario in which you should expect to be able to attract a black woman.
Whether you are approaching a black woman at a party, a bar, a book club meeting, a sports event, a church or via a text for instance, attracting a black woman all boils down to making it clear when you approach her that you have some kind of interest in her that is motivating you.
How specific you want to be about articulating that interest is up to you and you should use your discretion to gauge what would be coming on too strong or not being direct enough.
But once you have confidently expressed your interest and she seems to be interested in engaging with you as well, feel free to let things flow naturally from there.
Don’t
Approach black women with cockiness. A lot of people can confuse confidence with cockiness, and they end up overdoing it.
Approaching a black woman with cockiness can manifest in you being presumptuous, self-important or making assumptions about her instead of allowing her to just express herself to you.
Black women already experience people (especially white/non-black men) assuming things about them, asserting dominance over them and being presumptuous about them on a day-to-day-basis.
This kind of thing also happens all the time in environments like workspaces where black women have to be on a day-to-day basis and they just have to tolerate that kind of unpleasant behavior.
A lot of times people assume they know all about black women’s experiences. They over-assert themselves and give unsolicited opinions on issues of black womanhood.
They make choices on black women’s behalf, or assume they know what black women want.
A lot of people also get self-important or overconfident in themselves just because they think they understand a black woman’s life or struggles. All of this is frustrating.
This isn’t to say that if you approach black women with a cocky attitude, there aren’t some who will still find you attractive.
But given how much frustration this trait gives black women in other aspects of their life, more likely than not, they will find this trait off-putting and unattractive in dating.
And because black women do have a choice to engage with you romantically or not based off of this behavior, they may very well choose not to.
A few ways to avoid slipping into cockiness as opposed to healthy confidence when approaching black women are to:
Make sure you are listening as much as you are speaking in conversations, ask her questions about herself as opposed to making assumptions and to make sure you respond appropriately to her reactions towards you and her boundaries.
Another thing you want to avoid doing if you hope to attract a black woman is fetishizes her or making her feel like your interest in her is purely about her race.
Again, I cannot say absolutely that there aren’t black women who would still find you attractive if you approached them this way, but generally, a lot of them would not.
Black women are way too often sexualized just for their blackness and there is a lot of violence that black women experience too just because of this overly sexualized perception that a lot of people in the world have of them.
If you speak to a black woman or treat her as if all you care about is the fantasy you have of her blackness as opposed to getting to know her as a person, the chances of you developing an actual connection with her are quite slim.
Dating A Black Woman For The First Time
If it is your first time dating a black woman, you will want to make sure you aren’t going into it with a preconceived notion about what it’s like to date a black woman.
This is not to say you should go into it thinking you know nothing and expecting everything about the relationship to be different.
In fact, going into it thinking you know nothing might be a bad idea because then you won’t be able to fully be yourself around her and treat her the way you would treat any other woman you have had experience with.
But still, while you shouldn’t go into it expecting to know nothing about the experience, expect that a few things will be different.
You should apply your general knowledge from dating other women, but you should also keep an open mind for what you will need to learn order for that relationship to thrive.
What this means is that there are a few key things that you will need to hold onto that are similar when it comes to dating any woman.
For instance, most women, regardless of race want to date a guy who pays attention to them, makes plans to spend quality time with them, takes interest in their interests, introduces them to new experiences and emotionally supports them.
All of these qualities are necessary when it comes to dating a black woman.
So, when dating a black woman, as with any woman, it is important to listen to her and get to know her personality; to find out what her interests are and incorporate them into your dates or shared experiences.
It will also be important to make time and space for her in your own life and it is important for you to be there to emotionally support her when she needs to share her thoughts and feelings around any experiences she is having, whether they are related to her race or not.
With all of these traits, they can be applied to any relationships regardless of the race of the people dating. All that is different is the specific contexts in which you have to apply these traits and knowledge you already possess around dating.
There are only a few things to keep in mind that will be really different when it comes to dating a black woman:
Differences Between Dating Black Women And Non-Black Women
As a non-black person dating a black woman, you will probably have to learn a few things about the woman you’re dating and learn to navigate certain issues that you wouldn’t even have if you were dating a non-black woman.
Cultural Differences
When dating a black woman for the first time, you will have to learn a lot about her culture that you maybe wouldn’t have to if you were dating a woman of your own or another race.
With non-black women, this may never come up in your relationship and may not be a point of potential contention.
But with black women, it’s very important to go into the relationship knowing it will come up and knowing how to handle it.
You will want to make sure you are being respectful and open-minded when addressing cultural differences with a black woman.
Avoid making any judgements about things that black women or black people in general do that you don’t understand or unfamiliar with.
This isn’t to say you’re not allowed to question aspects of her culture. In fact, asking questions as opposed to assuming things is the right approach.
But you should make your questions about seeking understanding, rather than about passing judgements or basing them in an assumption that your way of experiencing the world is the better or correct way.
It will also be helpful if you are honest with the woman you are dating about the fact that you have never dated a black woman before and there are things you will need to learn as the relationship progresses.
Now, this isn’t an excuse to be ignorant. Don’t go into the relationship expecting her to do all the heavy lifting of answering all your questions on her identity and educating you.Where you can, you should take a special interest in educating yourself. But do feel comfortable asking questions respectfully within your relationship
Other Differences Between Black Women And Non-Black Women
Other aspects of black women that might be different to non-black women are those to do with the way black women put themselves together and present to the world.
For instance, you will find after dating a black woman for a while that it’s a very different process for her to do her hair, her nails, her makeup, etc. than it would be for a non-black woman.
Understanding this and knowing that you should take care not to pass judgment or say ignorant things around these aspects of her identity will save you a lot of relationship qualms.
This is because every woman you date will be sensitive on some level to how you perceive her when it comes to physical appearance. But with a black woman, there is an added layer of uneasiness there if she is aware of the fact that you’ve never dated a black woman before.
While things like how she does her hair and makeup are minor differences, they are also things that will come up in your day-to-day, especially if your relationship progresses to a point of you living together.
The last thing a black woman wants is to doubt that she can feel comfortable showing you these aspects of herself that she deals with on a day-to-day basis.
So, in order to make her feel more comfortable, try to learn about these aspects of her and how you can show appreciation of those qualities in her.
For example, simply learning about what kind of hair products she uses and how she styles her hair can help you show the right level of appreciation for what it takes for her to present a certain way.
It also makes it easier for you to help her with the process if she needs it on a particular day or to be more conscious of what is useful when getting her gifts, for instance.
Do Black Girls Like White Men (Or Asian Men, Or Men Of Other Races)
When it comes to dating, there is no single conclusive answer about who or what traits any group of people will unanimously find attractive. Dating, regardless of the race of the person you are pursuing can be a hit or miss.
You can follow all the tips given above for attracting a black woman, look into why black women might be interested in white (or non-black) guys and even look into some ways to tell if a black woman might be interested in you.
But ultimately, you cannot guarantee that any black woman you are interested in is also interested in you. Some black women just aren’t interested in dating outside of their race.
But then again, you shouldn’t assume this for all of them. You can’t conclusively know if a black woman you like is interested in you or not until you approach her.
What Affects Black Women’s Preferences
There are black women who find white, Asian and other non-black men just as attractive as they find black men or might even prefer them over black men.
The reasons for this vary, just as the reasons for some black women only wanting to date black men vary.
While there are traits in relationships that most black women look for that are mentioned above, different black women feel that they find them (and other specific traits) in guys of different races.
For instance, there are some black women that feel that white men are more emotionally open or supportive than black men or men of other races.
But at the same time, some black women will say they find that they can connect more emotionally with black men because they have similar experiences and so black men can understand them more.
And still, some black women feel that Asian men actually understand their experience more than black or white men do.
There was actually a study done by OkCupid that shows that black women and Asian men were ranked similarly on the app when it comes to desirability.
Black women and Asian men were both ranked as the least desirable demographics on the dating platform.
At the same time though, there are also studies that put Asian men and black women at the same level in terms of their general intellect and education in the USA, both being ranked as the most intelligent groups.
Because of this, we can see why some black women might find interest in dating Asian men. It seems that the two groups have similar societal experiences and could relate to each other based on that.
But ultimately, preferences are very hard to pin down to one specific preference with a specific reason, except in the cases where people have racial fetishizes that cause them to have a very specific preference for that reason.
Outside of this though, most preferences just come down to personal perceptions of the different races and our perceived compatibility with them.
In some cases, this is affected by the experiences you have had with the different races that contribute to you preferring one or some races over others.
Every person’s preference is unique and is affected by so many factors. So ultimately, because there is no one answer to the question of whether or not black women like white guys, the best thing to do is to just try and understand your own attraction, pursue women you are attracted to and see if there is a mutual connection.
Dating black women is no game. It isn’t about strategy, fantasies or agendas. You shouldn’t go into it thinking you know everything about how that experience will go and having lots of expectations.
But at the same time, you shouldn’t go into it naively thinking you don’t have to be aware of certain nuances in dating black women as opposed to dating women of other races.
This way you should be able to cultivate a good relationship with a black woman.
Just remember to approach black women with respect, confidence, open-mindedness and general care (in the way you would any other woman you are pursuing a relationship with).
Conclusion, How To Date A Black Girl
Be clear from the beginning of what you want. Be confident, but not cocky.
Stay open to getting to know a black woman from the inside out. Show presence and willingness to learn new things from the relationship.
Make sure you support a black woman and try to understand her world rather, than make assumptions about it. And remember that dating a black woman is as much letting her open up and teach you about her world as it is about you actively learning and educating yourself.
As long as you follow these steps, remembering that the connection will grow if both people are fostering it and it is there to begin with, then you should have no trouble having a thriving relationship with a black woman.
