Online Dating Fails Black Women Some Say, Truth Or Myth?
These days, true love is only a swipe away. Millions of young, attractive black people are turning to the Internet to find love – and your Prince Charming could be among them.
Some people say that dating as a black woman online is more trouble than it’s worth, but is that true? And what can you do to make sure you have the best online dating experience possible?
We look at both of these below and show some places where black women can date online. Please note that while we’ve added some dating sites which cater specifically to black women, we haven’t tried all of them out personally. That said, we still included them in case you want to. 🙂
Why Online Dating Is Great
Online dating is one of the best inventions of the twenty-first century, right after Amazon Prime and wireless headphones. When eHarmony launched in 2000, there was such a stigma around online dating, but now it’s common. In fact, if you’re under the age of 30 and have never had a Tinder account, people may think you’re a recluse.
Back in the old days, if you wanted to meet someone, you had to go on blind dates arrranged by your friends or hope that the church choir director was single.
But because of today’s hyperconnectivity, a simple app can connect you to thousands of people who share your interests. You can chat ahead of time to see if you actually click. You can fit dating into your busy schedule when it works for you. And there’s no such thing as a blind date: on Tinder, you can swipe through at least 5 pics before deciding if Mr. Right is worth a dinner date.
What Is It Like To Date Online As A Black Woman?
Dating can be tricky, period. Which means dating online as a black woman can also be tricky. You never know who you’re going to meet online. In real life, your social circle is limited to people who have the same job or church or friend group as you do. Online, your social circle is…everyone. A shiekh from Saudi Arabia could see your OKCupid profile. A powerful politcian could message you on Plenty of Fish. Your childhood best friend could find you on Tinder thirty years later. You literally never know.
While that’s great, that can also make things…trickier. Online, you’ll meet some people who aren’t interested in dating black women, and they aren’t shy about saying so.
Recently, OKCupid ran a study about responses black women get. When black women message a white man, the white man only replies 32% of the time, as compared to 41% of the time for white women. When black women message a black man, the black man only replies 37% of the time – he replies to white women 51% and Pacific Islanders 57% of the time.
And while 94% of men claim to be in favor of interracial marriage, 34% of men say that they’d strongly prefer to date someone the same race as them. Overall, men and women, only 55% of white people are comfortable dating someone outside of their race, while 80% of non-white people are comfortable with it.
What Are Some Things You Need To Know Before Doing Online Dating?
Men are honest. Some profiles will say “no black women.” And some will say “black women only.” Even though it’s jarring at first, eventually it does help you weed out the men who obviously aren’t worth your time.
Black women are exotic. There are 23 million black women in the United States, and yet men love to act as if you’re the only black woman they’ve ever interacted with. Expect ignorant messages such as, “I’ve never dated a black woman before,” “You’re sexy for a black girl,” and “You don’t look like other black girls.” Even if someone says, “I only date black girls,” that’s not necessarily a compliment; it means you’re being tokenized, like a prize.
You have to put in a lot of effort with little return. Unfortunately, black women are the least responded to group in online dating, and you’ll have to send out approximately 1.5 times as many messages as anyone else in order to get a response. I’m not going to lie, this can be discouraging.
White men like white women. White people are the majority in the United States and Europe. This means that most of the people you meet online will be white, and they enjoy dating other white people, especially as they get old enough to start thinking about a family.
Whiteness is familiar to them. This means that some people will immediately pass your profile by because you look too…different.
So How Can You Make Online Dating A Much Better Experience?
As with anything, there are things you can do to make it a much better experience.
First, don’t take it personally. I know, it’s hard to look at someone’s profile, see “no black girls” and not take it personally – but they’re not worth it. It takes time and energy to get upset, and none of these racists are worth it. Don’t stop to educate every racist.
Read someone’s profile first. I know, you see a guy and he looks fineeee, and you want to slide into his inbox. But for your sake, read his profile, whether that’s his short Tinder bio or an eight-page OKCupid manifesto. Keep an eye out for any red flags. And don’t assume that just because a guy is black that he will love black women. Sadly, some black men don’t.
Don’t be discouraged. You’re going to send out a lot of messages and not get anything back. That’s frustrating. But don’t give up. You’re also going to get more messages than you know what to do with, and eventually you’ll find the right person.
Blame your bio. Sometimes, let’s be honest, if your inbox is dry, it might not be because you’re black. It might because you’re unapproachable, or your bio is boring (or nonexistent) (or too long). It might be becaues your pictures are unflattering. It might be because you mention your ex-boyfriend six times in one paragraph. Ask your friend to glance over your profile; small changes can go a long way.
Don’t settle. If a guy doesn’t excite you, don’t talk to him just because other men might not be reaching out. And do not feel obligated to talk to any man just because you feel flattered that he’s talking to you. Know your worth.
Where Else Can You Find Good Men?
Obviously, online dating isn’t the only way to find handsome, eligible men. If there are no men in your immediate circle, put yourself out there! Start attending the singles group at your church. Join a group like MeetUp to find people with interests similar to yours. Sign up for a cooking class. Here are 6 great ways to meet single, professional black men.
But if you’d prefer to keep it digital, then don’t limit yourself to generic dating apps like Tinder and OKCupid. BlackPeopleMeet is great for black women, because it’s a site for people of color who want to connect with other people of color. Got Caribbean roots? Check out Caribbean Cupid. ChristianMingle will help you find a godly man. SoulSwipe is Tinder for black people. MELD is just for black professionals.
Online Dating Fails Black Women Some Say, Truth Or Myth?
Dating as a black woman isn’t always easy, but it’s worth it the moment you meet the right person. So don’t give up! Check out these 6 dating sites made especially for black women and start messaging!